"We're all just walking each other home." ~ Ram Dass
“We often try to force the experience we want to have, instead of allowing the experience we were meant to have, and in doing this, we miss out on gaining any new insight or understanding.” ~ Joseph P. Kauffman
I’d like to take you to a place. A private place that I haven’t yet been able to transcribe into language. Written word. Spell-binding. Magic. Finicky. Artistic. Precise. A place where the grasses are green and the earth is moist, nourished, living. A place where the waters of life flow freely, like summer air, beneath the rich soil. The dirt resembles a dark roasted coffee. lavish. textured. polished. soft. You don’t have to dig too deep to uncover the tourmaline blue liquid that flows, just beneath the surface. I sit in the tall grasses, I sink my fingers into the earth, I taste the freshness of the waters as they drift between, around, and through my fingertips. The energy, the life force, is palpable. It is more than peace here, it is grace. Surrender. Oneness.
The grasses around me part. The path before me, cleared. The air is vibrant, electric — like the air after a good storm, filled. lighting. thunder. life. The sweetness of change. Refreshing. I move along this path, my arms extended at my sides, gently brushing the tall and soft grass on both sides of me. I reach the white oak tree. tall. strong. wise. Roots intertwined like red vines. candy. Dancing with one another, above and below the earth’s surface. Easily, with confidence. Naturally — in love.
“Do not despise your own place and hour. Every place is under the stars, every place is the center of the world.” ~ John Burroughs
There is a quiet pool to the right of this white oak tree. It is being filled from a spring beneath its depths, a spring of electric tourmaline blue waters. Effervescent. healing. restoring. living. There is but one lily pad with a soft pink lotus resting beside it — touching, barely. static electricity. The gasping from a grazing touch. unhinging.
The sky burns auburn, extending to the farthest reach of horizon — disappearing beyond the purple snow capped mountains. Summer sunsets in the desert. Are you there? Can you see it? More importantly, do you feel it? Are you with me?
The leaves have changed color, they float on the songs of the winds, gently, lovingly, cascading down — the dance of life — their time has come to feed the earth before its sprouting. It’s impossible to tell which season it is, which time of day, it is all the seasons, it is all the times. The moon and the sun shine high in the skies, accompanied by the twinkling of all my favorite stars. spellbinding. It is both day and night, dawn and dusk. Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. It is everything. Here.
There is a taupe, black, and ivory fox fur blanket to the left of the pond, in the shade of the white oak tree. I sit, cross-legged, atop its softly tousled folds, palms facing up, hands gently placed on my knees. lotus. The winds pick up, the clouds roll in. I hear the singing of the thunder as lightning dances across these timeless skies. I close my eyes. I still see clearly. The winds gather the fallen leaves, spinning. I am in the eye of the storm. A tornado of energy spins all around me. Dirt, grass, leaves, debris of the earth, the scent of roses fills the air. I am whole. I am complete. I am everything. here.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~ Alan Watts
I am in the spinning vortex — the black hole of my life — exhaling. Memories, visions, lives I lived and lives I didn’t. They surround me. Futures I waved off and futures I accepted. They have all come to meet me here. Everything I wanted and also thought I wanted — spinning around me. I am still, witnessing at the center. Lighting. Thunder. Rain, cascading all around me. Splashing my skin. I am still. Inhaling. I reach out, hand in front of face — I touch the matrix. It is gelatinous, malleable, just beyond the veil of my supposed existence. I push a little more, beyond the space of comfort. I push into the energy, this life force. encircling. chaos. I gather courage and collect the pieces that I’ve wanted, from the lives I’ve lived and the lives I didn’t. I concoct a blend of my hearts deepest longings. Fantastical desires. I collect the threads that I will use to spin the cloth of my life. Effortlessly. Here. Supported. Entirely. Divine Right. Human choice.
The vortex of possibility — open, always — visible to my human eyes, only when I have seen rightly. When my life is in harmony, when I allow truth to transform me. Changing the past, freeing the present, revealing the future. Embracing the power. Bringer of words. Creator. Can you see it? Are you with me? Can you feel the lightness of possibility, the joy dancing amongst the sun and the stars? I can take you to that place of freedom. I can lead you to the door of your imagination — will you dare to open it?
“To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring — these are some of the rewards of the simple life.” ~ John Burroughs
Our human eyes see tools and objects, projections of blurred out images. sifting data. seeking patterns. Close your human eyes. Sit with me atop the soft and supple fox fur blanket. Taupe. Black. Ivory. Close your human eyes. Open your imagination. Sit amidst your past, present, and futures. Press your fingertips beyond the veil — dance between the worlds. chaos. order. Push yourself beyond the boundaries of your supposed existence. Bring to life your possibilities. Bringer of worlds. Creator. What thread will you choose to weave throughout the fabric of your life?
Abandon your human eyes, collect them when they’re needed. Learn to see without your sight. Shhh…. listen to your freedom. Your pain — what does she whisper? And what of your joy? Tell me of when, grace, he came to visit you. Do you not remember? Tell me your story, but do not get stuck there. Our stories have brought us here — they are the path between the worlds. Limbo is a place to walk through, a bringer of journeys — it is not a destination, a place to rest your tired bones and fall asleep to.
"Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy." ~ Saadi
Do not rush, take your time to sort it out. I will be here, patient. Confusion is a beautiful place to start. Embrace the black hole of your life — the starless sky, the hardened desert, the howling of wolves in the dark and thickened snow-covered forest of your life. The ones you lived and the ones you didn’t. Close your human eyes and fade into nothing. Into everything. Into freedom.
To see rightly we must first accept where we have seen wrongly. Misguided judgment. Good intentions. The road to hell. Solitarily paved. Collectively experienced. The truth is when we reflect on the choices of our lives, the decisions we have made — consciously and unconsciously — it can be painful, eye-opening, heartbreaking. Freeing.
“You feel good, you feel bad, and these feelings are bubbling from your own unconsciousness, from your own past. Nobody is responsible except you. Nobody can make you angry, and nobody can make you happy.” ~ Osho
Responsibility has the power to change the essence of our very existence. Taking responsibility for my choices in both thought and action transforms my life and the role that I play in it. I am forced to see where I have blamed others for my own decisions, victimized my experience, betrayed my own soul. In exchange for this truthful reflection, I am offered my freedom. In accepting my responsibility I am freed from the prison of my mind. The chains that had once enslaved me are broken, the bonds of my bargaining and compromising with life are cast off.
The choices we make in life are much more powerful than we give them credit for. We act and live as if the things we think and do don’t matter. We act as though we are insignificant in our time, here on earth. The thoughts we think turn into patterns of thought, which turn into unconscious action; the thoughts we think independently of pattern, turn into conscious action. When these are out of alignment we live in chaos, confusion — we live as victims. The people I speak to matter, the things I read and watch have an impact on me, the life I live on a daily basis sets the tone for my entire world. Is that not something to thoughtfully consider? The energies I welcome into my life, either passively or actively, influence me. If I am not aware of this, it does not stop it from happening, it merely means that I am not aware of my subconscious action — victimhood.
When I exist as a victim, it appears as if the world and those in it are doing something to me. This is because I have become so split and disconnected from myself, that I am unable to recognize my connection to all things. My misguided perception receives this splinter of my own awareness as acting out against me. If I were to see rightly and free myself from my victimhood, I would be able to accept the world and those in it as extensions of myself. I would be able to see that this splinter of my consciousness that is being presented as another human being, is actually acting on my behalf — subconsciously. When I am in victimhood I do not recognize my own fragments, fragments that call into my experience the trials and tribulations that I subsequently complain of in my victimhood. I am so separated and isolated from myself that these energies appear as though they are “others” doing something to me, when in reality, it is all self. What is it that I am doing in my life to attract people and situations that don’t fit the life I say I want to be living?
“You must not let your life run in the ordinary way; do something that nobody else has done, something that will dazzle the world. Show that God's creative principle works in you.” ~ Paramahansa Yogananda
When I am faced with manipulation, what have I been trying to manipulate within myself? When I am faced with dishonesty, where have I been dishonest with another? When I am faced with inadequacy and insecurity, where have I been hiding from the world? When I welcome people into my life that have these qualities, it is clear that I am not ready to shine the light within myself. It is clear that I am still in hiding and am not ready to live in the truth of my own power. The truth of my freedom.
We are offered chances, opportunities, tests, and challenges to move use beyond our own unawareness of self. These are gifts presented to us by life so that we may coalesce into the true nature of our completeness. True power, the blessing of our mere existence. The humbling reality of our own magnificence.
We spend our lives living with a thousand nightmared faces. Pointing fingers and casting blame on “others.” We so quickly forget that we are but reflections. A room of mirrors. Life, forgetting that this whole time we’ve been dancing with ourselves. How can I recognize the deception and manipulation in me, unless it is reflected back to me? If I do not surround myself with manipulative people that choose to lie to themselves and hide from their own divinity, then, how will I ever realize where I myself am stuck in my evolution? Hiding.
“Much of our suffering is caused by our false perceptions and attachment to mental images. We assume things to be true without really knowing whether they are true or not, then create a world of hurt for ourselves and others.” ~ Joseph P. Kauffman
When I cast out one manipulation and am flooded with the Hydra of a thousand heads, similar feeling brought about by dissimilar faces, it is not that the world desires to see my failing, it is that I desire to evolve beyond my comfort. In these instances, I am offering myself the gift of challenge upon the heroes journey, the journey home to myself. It is not that the world wants to see me break, it is that my ego is still pulling the strings behind the show of my life, puppeteering. My ego is vulnerable unless in hiding, desperate not to show her face and hesitant of letting go. So, you see, the manipulation that is still alive and well in me draws out — from the sea of possibility — the manipulative faces of experience, that may once again offer me the chance to slay the dragons of my soul, to offer me my freedom. I am everything. I am life, dancing for itself in a hall filled with mirrors, forgetting that I choreographed the entire production. Life has the potential to be both heaven and hell. You decide which you want to experience. Your thoughts and actions pave the pathway, and the circumstances of your life within which you find yourself, tell the truth about the choices you’re making. Whether you like it or not.